Choosing isolation

Thursday, 7th of April 2016

After such a long period of waiting, it finally happened, I have officialy moved out of the hotel I had been staying at for the last couple of days to my new studio. It was a very long and drilling process, I am not going to lie. It was difficult, exhausting and even frustrating at times but I can firmly confirm that in the end it was worth it because for me it meant I could finally start building my home in my dream city.

The all process started quite a while ago, it was after a long and difficult year and many hours of reflexion that I made this life changing decision of moving to London. Sure it was always a big dream of mine to accomplish this but that did not make the decision any easier. When you decide to turn your life upside down, you better know what you are doing and make sure you are not only ready for the commitment but that you are also a strong of enough person to deal with your new situation.

Despite of having the pleasure to have met various people from different nationalities, none of them happened to live here, which meant I was voluntarily accepting isolation. Whether we want to face it or not if we go to a different country, we lose our support system, that doesnˋt mean our friends and family members back home will stop talking to us or even love us any less but it does mean they are not physically present and that changes everything. My moving did not only affect me but it did affect everyone who I have a relationship with because it affects the simple daily life, for example, my parents have one less daughter at the house, my friends canˋt talk to me face to face or just call me to come down and meet them when they are passing by my house. Little actions that everyone takes for granted but by not been physically there, are no longer possible.

The harsh and dark truth is that we find out that life goes on without us, it doesnˋt stop just because we are no longer there. As you move on, so will other people and that means you will lose important moments, you will not get private jokes, you will feel like an outsider in your own family or group of friends, simply because your reality is no longer shared with theirs. It is almost like a past you left behind, like the people you know and love are now in a distant world disconnected from your own. And when you get back, even if just for a couple of days to visit them, it is still difficult to find a common ground because no matter how good your stories are, they are yours not theirs and they may listen but is difficult to make them understand simply because they might not know the place, the streets, they have never seen what you are talking about and even names of people you met, it is all just imaginary to them and the same applies to you.

That is probably the most difficult personal change you go through when you move because you are trying to fit in in a new culture and environment, at the same time you are trying to keep up with your old life.

Being a single emigrant woman means that my friends are extremely important as a support system. We all need our families more than anyone else but having people your own age supporting and giving you strength to keep up makes you work extra hard. So although I might have choosen isolation by moving alone to a new city, I still have my dear friends in my heart.

Sending all the love in the world to my friends with a special thanks to Bruno, Fitore, Leticia, Beatriz, Filipa, Lumturije, Patricia, Joana, Nazifa e Daniela who have been supporting me since the beginning of this adventure.

Com saudades,

Mariana Fidalgo