Being a woman

Tuesday, 5th of April 2016

As a new member of the english society things are already quite difficult but I have come to realize that there is something worse than being an emigrant and that is to be an emigrant woman alone in a brand new city. 

Having been by myself for the last few days I have seen a remarkable change of behavior in men. For five days I was accompanied by my father everywhere, whether it was at a restaurant, at the supermarket or even when meeting my future landlord. At every single of those moments no one even dared to speak directly at me, I was merely standing next to a man who happened to be my father. That situation quickly changed when he left back to Portugal and I started to go alone to places, I saw myself being approached by males more often than I ever was before. What is about a woman walking or going somewhere without company that makes her an easier target? Is it so strange for a modern and independent woman to want to be by herself in public?

On Monday, since it was my first time alone in London, I decided it would be nice, mainly because the sun was shining bright and it was unsually hot outside for this time of year, to walk through Hyde Park. And so there I went, I grabbed my purse and started to walk near the dogs, cyclers and even the lake, but it was only when I decided to leave the area to go back to the hotel that I sensed someone walking close by and looking at me. At that moment I understood that the man walking next to me was following my steps, moving at the same pace to join me and start a conversation and so he did. He first decided to pay a compliment about the shoes I was wearing that day and from that he continued by telling me he was a german-italian guy, that he worked in some company that produces organic food here in London and how is trip to Dubai had been the week before, he only stopped to ask me where I came from and what was my purpose in London. We talked all the way until the end of the park, we shook hands and said our goodbyes, the only think left was a proper introduction because never through that all time we told each other our names. It was a nice moment and it turned out he was a really friendly guy but I canˋt help but wonder why did he approached me at all.

Today a similar thing happened once more. I had to go down to the hotelˋs reception to ask if I could spend another night here at the hotel since my contract for the new apartment isnˋt ready just yet and well, when I approached the recepcionist, a man nonetheless, he started to turn the conversation to a flirt. It quickly changed from a "So you are enjoying your stay here, right?" to a "Oh well, if you need any help I can definitely became your personal guide to the city. I can call you someday and I will show you everything you need". I was a bit taken back from it so I just gave him a polite smile and quickly went up to my room.

It never crossed my mind that being a woman, an emigrant woman that is trying to make a living, trying to start a career and just connect with a new place would cause so much attention to the male sex. But this is a world problem, not an english one. As women we are represented and identified as the weaker sex, as delicate flowers that need protection, that canˋt achieve much without the help of men. This is taught to us since a very young age, whether by our family and friends or by society itself. We are taught to take a step back and let men lead because when we are too pushy, confident and opinionated it ultimate equals the bitch label, while men would be seen as leaders if they presented the same characteristics. We are taught to be cautious when we are alone in the streets or even more at night because in the society we live in is more normal to advice a woman to cover herself up and avoid wearing a clevage or skinny jeans than it is to teach men how to respect women and to stop rape culture. We are taught that catcalling can be seen as a compliment and that when a guy objectifies a girl for her body, she is supposed to feel good about herself. 

As a foreigner woman walking alone in the streets I get more looks and more talk from men, they think it is fine to approach me because I don´t have any company next to me, no man to shield me so they probably think they are making me a favor or even making my day by flirting but the truth is I donˋt need a person next to me to have a great day, I enjoy my own company and you know what? Sometimes what a girl really wants is some peace and quiet, so thank you but no thank you. I can make my own day, go and make your own count.

Sincerely,

A girl that just wants to be left alone.

Mariana Fidalgo